Mr. Grumpy

Today is a hard day. I got up for my 8:15 class (after 30 minutes of laying in bed not wanting to get up) and the first words out of my mouth were, "I hate life." What I really meant was, "I hate waking up," but the experience of waking up was so all-encompassing that it felt like my entire life. Blech.

About 2 1/2 seconds after saying that, I started to feel guilty. Guilty because of my attitude, and because I know Nate heard me, and because I know how hard it is on him when I'm grumpy, and because I know one of his concerns about these two weeks without Annabel involves me waking up grumpy. (When she's the first thing I see in the morning, I'm a much happier human being.)
So then, not only did I hate life, but I felt guilty about it. And then, I started thinking about all of the reasons to be grumpy and all the things that are burdening me right now. And then, of course, I continued to feel guilty about my bad attitude. All I could do in this situation was 1. Ask God for mercy on my wretched soul and 2. Do everything possible to avoid interacting with Nate, so as not to say something that I would have to apologize for later.
I'm sitting in class now, 3 hours later, and not necessarily doing much better. I think I've managed to let go of the guilt thing, knowing that God's grace is big enough for my grumpiness and being encouraged that I didn't actually do anything overtly negative toward Nate (except subject him to my overall grumpy presence). However, the grumpiness itself, I'm not sure about yet. I guess I'll find out once I get out of class.
I'm not sure why I am posting about this not-very-encouraging state, but I guess it has something to do with being real, and also wanting an avenue to vent my grumpies without actually taking it out on someone. (I actually think I'm already starting to feel better.)