The Big One

(For those who lack patience or who really only care about the gossipy news, feel free to scroll to the end. That's where the juicy part is. (I won't judge. I'd probably do the same thing.))

So, first of all, I realize that I have been AWOL for quite awhile. There's a combination of factors that have added up to a perfect storm for keeping me from blogging. And not one of them is the classic "I just haven't had time" or "There's just been so much going on." No, I've had tons of time. But none of it has been used for blogging.

1. I've been slogging through a post-school-year/post-grad school FUNK. Man, I did not see this coming. I thought it would be all sunshine and rainbows (literally, too - what the heck is with this weather?) when I finally graduated and was "free." Yeah, no. I crashed in a big way and am not quite out of it yet. I guess four and a half years really does take a toll. Creative energy = nil. No sewing, no blogging, no nothing that takes more energy than sitting on the couch and eating Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips (yummmm).

2.  I've been majorly computer challenged. The first three weeks after graduation, Nate took our computer to work every day. Although a friend of mine generously loaned me her laptop so I wasn't totally cut off from the world, it was basically no good for blogging because none of my pictures were on it. And what's a blog entry without a picture? (And due to #1, I was too lazy to transfer the necessary pictures onto her computer.)

3. EXTREMELY computer-challenged. I finally have access to our computer again, but it's having issues and we had to wipe the hard drive and start over. We haven't put any pictures back onto the hard drive yet. So...still no pictures = still no blogging. (And again, too lazy to access said pictures.)

4. I've been going through the most taxing season of emotional work I've yet to experience. I've been working hard, going deep with my counselor and in a Restoring Your Heart group and my goodness, there is a quagmire of crap for me to work through. Lately I've been feeling more discouraged than hopeful about all of that, even though I know Jesus promised me a Year of Jubilee (new beginnings, new life, redemption, freedom). I know this is the hard part on the road to all those good things. But SERIOUSLY it is HARD! And I certainly haven't felt like blogging about it.

5. THE BIG ONE. (Bonus points and possibly some kind of prize for anyone who can tell me, without any help or hints, what movie scene I'm thinking of when I write "The Big One.")  All this needs is a [super crappy cell phone] picture:

6 months 15 weeks pregnant!

Oh yeah, baby. I'm huge! And this, despite gaining only 4 pounds so far! (Last time around, I was probably already at a minimum of 15 pounds by now, yet mysteriously was much smaller than this.) So there's really no hiding it anymore. Some of us know how to make those baby-bellies really count!

So yes, this is the [literally] BIG reason that I've been MIA on my blog. We have known since 5 weeks but haven't been telling people (besides a very few) until the last couple weeks. This whole process (pregnancy, anxiety about pregnancy, intense anxiety about sharing pregnancy with people) has been its own emotional roller coaster and as you can imagine has been paramount in my thoughts. And for me, it's felt almost impossible to write on my blog without even mentioning the thing that has pretty much consumed all of my spare-thought energy. Maybe that's also where all my creative juices drained away to. I suppose it does take a lot of "creative energy" to make another person.

So yeah, that's where I've been. Those who follow my blog can probably tell even from the tone of this whole post that I'm not in as emotionally-okay of a place as I normally am. But, even that is starting to look up. No guarantees in terms of blogging frequency...but at least I'm kind of starting to want to blog again. AND, most importantly, I finally came clean with the BIG reason I wasn't inspired to share.

...I could go on, but I think this is enough for one post, eh?

Oh, except I should mention the due date is December 15th. If you love me, you will pray along with me that this baby does not come on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I'd love for my kid to not have to share their birthday with the single biggest holiday of the year. Yeah, that'd be nice.