six weeks and relishing

So Juniper Joy is only 6 weeks old, and I’ve already started to fill my first box of outgrown clothes. Seriously, slow it down. I prepared for a big baby (and I got one) so it’s not like these clothes were too small when she came out. No. Clothes that she could wear when she came home, she can’t wear anymore. Single tear.

But it’s okay, because I really have been savoring this time, drinking it all in. More with her than with my other two, for sure. There’s something about her being the third, and her being our last, that just has made it all the sweeter. Those first weeks I felt like I could literally stare at her all day (and I did, for the better part of it). Anxieties I had with my first two have gone out the window and there’s just a joy. Just like God said there would be. Juniper JOY.

I can just now start to feel the newborn glow begin to wear off. (I’ve realized with this baby that truly, I love the newborn stage. (I must remind myself to hold newborns any chance I get. I forget after awhile how good they are for my soul.) She’s awake more often during the day, life is normalizing somewhat, certain responsibilities can no longer be put off under the “I just had a baby” excuse (though a lot still can…right?!). Life is starting to leave the transition period and find its new normal. But only just. And I’m still savoring.

I won’t soon forget the first month of spending my nights upright on my couch, sleeping with her cradled in my boppy-supported arms. I won’t forget the moment I realized that I was literally holding her for 20+ hours a day, and that I didn’t resent a minute of it. (This was definitely not the case with my first baby. I was desperate to hand her off and get some sleep. Magical Third Child.) I will relish the memories of waking up to see her sweet face first thing, and just gazing at her. And after a little while, trading her to Nate for a cup of hot coffee. Sweet memories. Even that stage has already passed. But it’s okay.

This kind of love is such a gift. I am so grateful to get to be a mother. Three times. A lot of my mothering moments are not this gooshy, but I’m having one now, and I’m going to enjoy it.