tired, continued.

I'm still thinking about what I wrote the other day, about being so.tired. of being afraid of being tired. I'm sick of wearing myself out worrying about being worn out. I'm thinking about what it looks like to "reclaim health" for myself. The last couple of days haven't really been any better. Annabel was inventing her own version of "This little piggy..." last night, and among her innovations (which included little piggies going to Grandma's house, and watching the Muppets) was "This little piggy says, 'I'm tired!'". ...This is probably an even more telling indication of just how often those words come out of my mouth, since Annabel would never be caught dead saying that.


So, I wouldn't say that I've been making "progress" (in my three days of working on this). But I did feel like God showed me what the steps might look like to get to where I want to be - to that place where I am not controlled by my fear of everything just being too much for my energy level.

Step one: Believing that even if my worst fears came true, even if I totally crashed, God would still bring good out of it and would redeem it. It would be an opportunity to grow closer to Him and learn more about His character, just like the Jubilee experience. And, I am not anywhere close to the place I was at in high school. I would experience total physical exhaustion in a very different way than I did back then.

Step two: Trusting God to give me the strength I need to do the things He gives me to do. His sufficient grace carrying me through. His healing in the broken parts of me that sap my strength. Which leads to...

Step three: Discerning which things God has actually put on my plate, and which things I have put there. The things I've put there include my unique brokenness that makes certain things oh-so-much heavier on my shoulders than they need to be. 

Step four: Choosing and learning to release to God's capable hands all the stuff that doesn't make the cut in step three. This [especially] includes the emotional baggage that adds all the extra stress and anxiety that He never created me to deal with. It was not in my design, which is why it feels SO HARD. He gives me strength to do all the things He has given me to do. Not everything I feel like I ought to do, and not to the unreachable standards I usually set for myself.

So...here I go. Trying to start with step one.