A's and Incompletes

So, I was a Creative Writing major in undergrad. For my senior project I wrote a memoir piece about my experience being sick all throughout high school (a five year battle with chronic fatigue and depression). I entitled the memoir "A's and Incompletes" because that accurately describes my high school transcript. Either I got an A in my courses, or I never finished them (except for a bitter, sexist, ready-to-retire gym teacher who gave me a C - but that's another story).

This pattern has been true throughout my life: I prefer to either be really really good at something, or not do it at all. I do not consider this a strength: I consider it a crutch. It means that if I feel less than really-good at something, I prefer to not even try. This is something I've had to battle with in terms of accepting myself as okay even when I don't succeed the way I'd hoped. It's kind of funny, because one of my favorite bloggers just wrote a post about this yesterday. I'd been thinking about it anyway, but reading about the same issue from someone else's perspective brought it even more to the forefront of my mind.

...The reason I'm sharing {briefly and vaguely} about this area of my life/personality is because it has been affecting my blogging lately. Part of what's been stopping me from blogging is that I have this standard in my mind of what "good blogging" should look like, and I haven't felt able to meet that standard, so I haven't wanted to even try. I'm going to try to start fighting this feeling and just do it anyway, because like Raechel said, it's worth doing badly.

So here's what's up in my life.

1. I am 17 weeks pregnant today! The most significant part of that for me right now is it means I'm only 3 weeks away from getting to find out the gender of Pepe the King Prawn! (Backstory: We gave this fetal nickname to BabyHark #2 when he/she was the size of a shrimp. I thought it was funny that Baby Center had to clarify that it was a three-inch shrimp. I can't recall personally ever seeing a shrimp that big. Which immediately reminded us (being big Muppets fans) of another shrimp who refused to be called a shrimp.)

Pepe in all his glory from Muppets in Space. (Yes, he's a boy shrimp, but took to ballet dancing while under the cover of invisible spray.)  "I am not a shrimp; I am a King Prawn!"

2. I still do not have a phone. Supposedly one is in the mail.  This is day #7 of phonelessness, and though I do miss it, I've been surprised by how little it has inconvenienced me not to have one. A good reminder. (This would be a good place to show a picture of my dramatically shattered phone, but alas, that would be way too much work for me right now.)

3. The past two nights I have literally been dreaming of rainbows all night long as I prepare for Annabel's Rainbow Party on Sunday. I was actually awake for two hours the other night thinking non-stop about all the rainbowy things I still had to do to prepare for it. This, after pledging to be realistic about this whole thing and not let it get out of hand. In other words, not be a perfectionist. I do think I've accomplished that balance...but somehow I'm still thinking about rainbows. Constantly. (And I really am hoping to actually blog more about the party prep at some point.)

4. Yesterday was Nate's 28th birthday!! Somehow 28 sounds way older than 27. I love my husband! But, he doesn't usually read my blog unless I bug him about it, so I'm not going to do an ode to his wonderfulness right now. Just take my word for it: he is wonderful.

5. So I broke my own sunscreen standards and got extremely sunburned yesterday. OUCH. It's the kind of sunburn that has left me tired, thirsty, headachy, and hiding under full-coverage t-shirts until further notice. One more thing to add to my Target list: Aloe Vera. (Why do I not already have some on hand?!)

6. Annabel is THREE YEARS OLD! Unreal. Her birthday was one week ago. We had a fun family day downtown at Taste of Chicago (basically a huge fair of a million different kinds of yummy food). We tried to make the day special and fun for her, but didn't go too overboard, since her party will be the big celebration. Some highlights:

Waiting at the train platform. Riding the train was her favorite part of the day. "I can't believe it! I can't believe it!"

Reading with Daddy in the giant chair at Family Fun Fest in Millenium Park. This was her other favorite part of the day. Forget the hula hoops and bean bag games and huge foam toys; all she wanted was to read books. (Love her.)

More reading. 

Just a tad bit excited about the Bean in Millenium Park. (She's making faces at herself in the reflection.)

Frolicking in the grass. Frequent frolicking-in-the-shade breaks were what kept her happy/manageable throughout the day. The rest of the time she had to be in her stroller, pushed through a crowd of hundreds of people in pretty intense sunshine and heat. She was a trooper and had fun! (And check out her flowing mane! No, I refuse to cut it!)

...So, that's pretty much the rundown of life right now. Oh yeah, and the whole we're-moving-in-three-weeks thing. There's that too. But overall life feels like it's both calming down and gearing up at the same time, if that makes sense. We're trying to enjoy our last days here while also working hard every day to prepare for the move so that when the day actually comes, it can be as smooth as possible.

...Speaking of which, I've now more than used up my discretionary time for today and Nate is eager for me to get off of this computer and help pack or clean or something boring like that. So, I'd better get to it. Here's to the continuance of worth-doing-badly blogging!