To purge, or not to purge: that is the question!
I won't do this often, but I really need to ask y'all's advice. Nate and I have a decision to make. Right now, we live in Chicago. But come August, it will most likely be time to move (again). Our ministry is based in Atlanta, Georgia, and the odds are really good (like 95%) that we'll need to move there. But before we can do that, we'll need to devote several months to raising full-time support. This will most likely involve living with my parents in Minnesota for as long as it takes to do that, in order to reduce expenses. So...are you still tracking with me? Chicago until August, then Minnesota for six-ish months, then Atlanta for at least three years. Also, we are hoping to have another baby during our time in Minnesota. (No, this is not an announcement. We're not pregnant yet! And, I'm not asking for advice on this part.)
SO...here's what I need advice on. Before we move to Minnesota, should we
A) Get rid of almost all of our stuff (like, ALL of it) and start from scratch in Atlanta,
B) Get rid of about half our stuff (still a significant purge), or
C) Keep everything worth keeping and just move it all?
Nate's leaning towards option A and I'm leaning toward option B. But, both of us are still very much in process, and this is not a please-take-my-side-in-my-debate-with-my-husband post. :D I genuinely need y'all's advice. Now by this point, having lived in three states in our 4 1/2 years of marriage, we are veteran movers. (See the picture from our move last August?) We've done this before. So here's some factors to consider:
PROS to getting rid of everything:
- Moving would be MUCH simpler.
- Moving would be significantly cheaper. (Renting a big moving truck would cost at least $1000. Our stuff all put together is probably not even worth $1000.)
- We can get rid of stuff gradually over the next six months.
- We don't have to figure out how and where to cheaply store our stuff while in Minnesota, and don't have to deal with the incredible hassle of moving everything twice.
- I can start from scratch in terms of decor style in Atlanta. This could actually be fun, if I wrapped my mind around the idea.
- We are thrift store and garage sale experts, and entirely furnished our first apartment for $250. We are fairly confident that we could replace everything without breaking the bank. Plus, garage-saling is one of our favorite activities to do together, and having a whole new place to furnish could actually be pretty fun.
- The idea of getting rid of everything does feel liberating in its own way.
- We get to enjoy the adventure of seeing how God will provide for everything we need.
CONS to getting rid of everything:
- Significant emotional upheaval for me, because I'm pretty sentimental about my stuff. (This is a big one. Five years of amazing garage sale scores and furniture rehabbing has left me with a long list of things that I'm hesitant to part with, because I don't know if I could ever replace them. In fact, we can't even really talk about the idea of getting rid of everything, because I get so anxious and irritable that I have to change the subject. Big factor here.)
- We may not be able to replace things as cheaply as we hope.
- Having to start from scratch would mean taking at least a couple of months to feel settled, as opposed to having all our basic stuff ready to go right away.
- We will probably have a three-year-old and a newborn when we move. This makes waiting to settle in even more stressful for all of us. Do I really want to move without even a bed for Annabel?
- Our nicest piece of furniture is also one of our heaviest & biggest: our bedroom dresser and mirror. It also matches a set of end tables. And I love it. And it was a wedding gift from my in-laws. "Everything" would include this piece. More stress and irritability here.
- It really would take a lot of work and time to replace everything. Are we sure we want to deal with that?
I guess those are the basic factors to consider. Maybe you all can put some others on the table that I'm not seeing right now. I would love to hear any thoughts you all have - especially if there are other ways of looking at this that I'm missing. So, what do you think?
ok my comment on this.. honestly if it were me, I would probably pick option b.. Keep the sentimental stuff and get rid of what you really dont need or can easily cheeply replace.. another thing you want to consider.. if you do get rid of everything, are you going to be able to get all that stuff you need after the move that easily with an infant and 3 year old.. also your daughter now if you get rid of everything, it may be quite an adjustment for her to be taken away from her environment shes use to anyway, if you get rid of everything she may not have any of that stuff that makes it feel like home to her.. not that that will be the case but it could be.. so if you keep a few things that she is use to for her room or wherever it may make the move and transition for her a bit smoother.. I know with my kids when we go out of town even for a short time, they by the end of the trip are cranky and dont sleep as well etc.. so by the time we get home and they are in their hom and around the things they are use to they are able to settle down and relax.. just my point of view on it.. but I know God will lead you guys through it and it will all work out for you.. congrats and good luck!
ReplyDeleteTake my advise with a grain of salt because I haven't moved nearly as much as your family has, but I would opt for B. I would even say don't move anything you can't fit in your car and a small size trailer. Before I do anything, however, I make a list - it sounds tedious but it will help you organize and relieve a lot of stress.
ReplyDeleteStep 1) Make a list of everything that stresses and irritates you out with the move. Like, not having a bed for Annabel, or having the things you are scared of not finding again. Then, you need to answer that list - why are you scared of not finding those things again?
Step 2) Think if you could sell any of your belongings on Craigslist so there is potential in saving money so you can furnish your new home. Sell the big things you can't fit in a car or trailer. DO keep the big things that are special (like the furniture set from the in-laws). If you could only move an amount that would be able to fit in a famliy's garage or basement for a few months would be awesome and I'm sure you have family that would help with that.
Step 3) I think this is the biggest step too... Do research in Atlanta about craigslist and thrift stores. See if week to week the big furniture things you are going to need are going to be readily available. When I was looking for a toddler bed there were at least 10 listed every week and cribs galore. Also, ask the mission you are working for to help you netowork with different families and see if the church body you are moving into can help with the transition, or at least point you in the direction you need to go.
My New Year's Resolution last year was "Getting Rid of the Junk" ... I keep sentimental things with everything that I owned, and the thought of selling, giving or throwing away anything weighted so heavily that I couldn't give anything away. But I needed to do it. I ended up giving at least 12 black garbage bags of clothes away to goodwill, and another 15 boxes of just random things I couldn't find a use for. I renewed my last year's resolution too :) I understand how you can feel for certain "things" but are those "things" worth the emotional stress you are going to put yourself through in trying to move them?
Again, please take my ramblings with a grain of salt. I wish you guys with best in your new transition!
U-box!! First, when I moved to Virginia I discovered the world of U-box and I will never go back. They drop a box of at your place (driveway, parking space, whatever) you have as long as you'd like to load it with your stuff. Then when you're ready they take it away, and can store it for however long you want for a pretty reasonable price. When you're ready, anywhere in the country they will deliver your box back to you and you can unload it at your leisure. I love container moves! It also is really great to not have to drive a moving truck and being restricted as far as time goes. Also, U-box is by far the cheapest container move company I have found. I found this way really economical, with minimal stress.
ReplyDeleteso, that being said. I would recommended option B. I agree that moving "everything" doesn't seem like the option that you would choose. Also, all of my favorite furniture, the stuff that has made the cut for every move, came from thrift stores and garage sales. Just because you didn't pay a huge amount of money for it doesn't mean that it doesn't have great value to you. It would stress me out more than you can imagine to start again completely from scratch.
Okay, here's what almost always works for me.
ReplyDelete1. Get rid of junk.
2. Get rid of stuff you can bear to get rid of.
3. Go through every single thing you thought you couldn't bear to part with. Realize that it is just stuff - and that the memories/emotions attached are not dependent on the item itself. Say goodbye. Really. I have to say goodbye. It helps me let go.
4. Repeat 2&3 as needed until only the most beloved and necessary things are left.
You could also make lists of junk to get rid of, then other stuff, then things you're more attached to, in case you logistically can't actually get rid of everything this way.
This way, you get rid of junk first, and it doesn't feel so bad. You can get into a rhythm and it's less overwhelming than going through special things while your emotionally unprepared to get rid of junk.
So, I guess, something between A & B?
Debs, I just got rid of tons of stuff when I moved and I still have tons of stuff. I'd opt for option B but sparingly. In getting rid of things I try and pretend its 5 or 10 years from now and if I look back and think, I can't believe I got rid of that OR I'm so happy I didn't get rid of that, then I choose which ever I feel (does that even make sense? haha) If the answer feels fuzzy, i wait a few days and think about it again. Don't know if that's helpful or not but figured I'd weigh in : )
ReplyDeletei think option B. seriously. it's good to keep the basic furniture :) just do a huge purge of everything else...that's what i did. i am moving tomorrow :) my thought: if you haven't used it in the last month you don't absolutely need it (unless it's christmas stuff/holiday decor! haha). but seriously. you can do it! keep the furuniture, especially the beds if nothing else! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm jumping on the B bandwagon (though, I definitely understand husbands that would go with Option A)...and I really like Becky's process of making a list, and evaluating the whys - and looking at the fears that arise. I think it's okay to have things, and I don't think keeping some of your belongings necessarily means a lack of faith or trust.
ReplyDeleteYou have so many adventures! I'm encouraged by your intentionality.
And, I know it's been a few days, but I like the purple (instead of orange) header.
Hi Deb,
ReplyDeleteI was going to vote for option B, although, I totally feel the option A part, too! I like cleaning out. In fact, my parents just moved across the world, and we had to go through all my treasures from childhood. I got rid of over half, and 6 months later I am looking at it again thinking: "Maybe I could get rid of that, too..." It's hard, but it helps you realize what's really important.
I just read this article this morning. Perhaps it will help encourage you:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kevin-salwen/the-slightly-absurd-thing_b_817480.html
Good luck with the move! Maybe we could all get together when you are back in the cities! :)