yikes

I'm going here this weekend. To quote one of the leaders of the weekend, "It's like 6 months of therapy in 3 days." I'm leaving in approximately 3 minutes. I'm terrified.

It would not be dramatic to say that I am facing my biggest fears this weekend. Those fears that have been with me my whole life, the ones I've come up against over and over again and never had the guts, the tools, the support, the whatever-it-is-I-need to look them straight in the eyes and say, "My God is bigger than you are. Get out of my way!"

I started this blog as one way of choosing to really embrace life, rather than just cope and get by. That was part of what my Jubilee Ruth experience was all about - her life and death was God's way of leading me into a new season, a fresh new start, just like the year of Jubilee was supposed to be for the Israelites. A season of redemption and healing. This weekend is a huge part of that.

I've been consciously putting off therapy for five years. I've put off healing and growing for five years. But this weekend is one big fat part of changing that. It's one way that God has shown me I need to CHOOSE life. Like the Israelites, I need to have the guts to go in and take over the land God has shown me and promised me, and trust Him that the enemies (fears, hurts) I am so sure will destroy me will actually be demolished. Here I go, to march around the city walls of these strongholds in my life and hope that when the 7th day comes and I blow that jubilee trumpet, they will all come tumbling down.

If you're a praying person, would you please pray for me this weekend? I would be incredibly grateful to have you walk that small part of my journey with me.