I Lent my TV to God

I was a little surprised not to see more blog and facebook chatter about Ash Wednesday and Lent this past week. I've definitely talked to a lot of people about it, but apparently people aren't particularly gung-ho about sharing their Lenten resolutions with the world at large (or else they did talk about it, and I just didn't notice - highly possible). Assuming the first is the case (that people just didn't want to share about it in a public venue), I can very much understand their hesitation. I have the same hesitation. Up until now, I've only talked about my Lenten fast with two other people, and one of them is my husband. I guess it's because the more people I share it with, the more accountable I am to actually hold to it.

This is actually why I'm about to write about it on my blog. Since I have issues with letting people down, I know that if I actually let whomever might happen to read this in on my resolution, I will feel enough guilt and obligation to actually stick with it. Which is not, in this case, a bad thing. Sometimes I need a little guilt to keep me in check.

Growing up, we didn't pay a great deal of attention to Lent. At least, not that I remember. I'm sure we must have talked about it in church, and I certainly remember Holy week festivities, but I just don't recall hearing much about Lent. I could be wrong, but I don't remember my parents ever doing Lenten fasts or anything like that. I remember being introduced to this tradition (Lenten fasting) by one of my friends in high school who was giving up soda. This was very difficult for her, since she loved Dr. Pepper, and at one point during her fast found herself in the same town as the Dr. Pepper plant (company? refinery? factory?) and had a very difficult time restraining herself from drinking the local Dr. Pepper, which is supposedly better than the stuff that gets shipped off to the rest of the country. Sort of a random story, but I remember it because it was the first time I thought about giving up something for Lent.

So from then on, I would think about it every year around the beginning of March. What should I give up for Lent this year? Most years, though, nothing came to me, so I didn't give up anything. Other years, I did attempt to give something up but usually failed to maintain it. One year I resolved to give up my snooze button, which I had gotten in the habit of pressing 4...5...6+ times before I actually got out of bed. I only succeeded (temporarily) by putting my clock on the opposite side of my room, so that I would physically have to get out of bed in order to turn it off. Ultimately, however, I still managed to use my snooze button in this scenario. I guess I wasn't fully motivated to give it up.

The last couple of years, I have specifically asked God to show me what it was He wanted me to give up, if anything. And honestly, I didn't hear anything. Nothing came to mind. I probably could have spent some more time intentionally praying about it, but in the end, Ash Wednesday would come and go, and I still would not have thought of anything, and so I'd just let the whole thing slide.

This year I did the same thing. I asked God to show me if there was anything He wanted me to give up. But I also made a decision not to be a perfectionist about it: in other words, just because I hadn't come up with something by Ash Wednesday didn't have to mean that I would just scrap the whole thing. I decided it was better to at least give up something, even if it wasn't for the full 40 days, than to skip the whole fast altogether. So, Ash Wednesday came and went, and still nothing had come to mind. But I was keeping my mind open to possibilities anyway.

On Friday my friend Natalie and I were hanging out, talking about Lenten resolutions. She said that Lent wasn't necessarily about giving up something that had gotten out of control in our lives; it was actually about giving up something good, something we enjoyed, as a sacrifice and a discipline. This really helped me. I realized I had been thinking about Lent as a time to give up something that had become problematic or addictive, and this was what was blocking me from thinking of something. In looking at my life, I couldn't identify anything right off the bat that fit that category. Or at least, I hesitated to name something to give up, because it felt like that was also acknowledging that that thing was a problem in my life. And none of the things I'd thought of really felt like they were a problem.

So when Natalie described it as giving up something that we enjoy, the first thing that came to mind was internet TV. Nate and I don't have a working TV (well, we do, but it gets no channels and only works for watching DVDs). The only TV I watch is online. And while this is not something that's out of control in my life, it definitely can take up significant portions of my free time - primarily when I'm home alone. There's really no option for watching it when Nate and Annabel are around, unless Nate and I watch together, and we have such opposite tastes that currently Bones is the only show we agree on. No, it's something that by definition I do when I'm home alone and have some time to spend however I please. It's in the same category as sewing and blogging - a leisure activity that I enjoy. But, it is admittedly less wholesome than sewing or blogging. And with much greater potential for negative impact on my life, even if it is under control at the moment.

So, it was hard for me to swallow at first, because I really love watching my shows. (I would tell you what they are but feel suddenly embarrassed to admit them, lest you make fun of my tastes.) And then I thought, whatever I give up should be hard - just hard enough to be a real challenge and require real discipline. TV fits this category for me. So I bit the bullet and decided to give it up.

No more of this...

Or this...

Or this...

...until Easter.

(There, I showed you a few of them. Judge if you must.)

I have mixed feelings about the fact that I made this resolution before realizing that my two week spring break would be included in the fasting period. Gah! I say "mixed feelings" because I am really glad I didn't realize this, because I probably would not have done it. But also, Gah! Here I am with two weeks off, with Annabel happily in daycare during most of those days, and NO TV!! This really will be challenging. It already has been, just two days into my break and four days into my fast.

To clarify: I am giving up watching TV by myself. I still get to watch it with Nate, if it's something we're watching together (i.e., Bones). Same goes for movies with him or with friends. It's the alone-time I'm trying to reclaim. Also, Natalie reminded me of the exciting fact that Sundays are Feast Days, and you get to indulge in whatever it is that you're giving up. I guess if you actually add up the days between Ash Wednesday and Lent, it's 46 days, even though it's only called a 40-day fast. The extra 6 days are Sundays, when you don't have to fast. Very exciting!

So, the good news (besides the existence of Feast Days) is that I suddenly have all this time freed up that normally would be spent watching shows. And I have to fill it with something. Things like friends, sewing projects, blogging, napping, taking walks in this lovely spring weather we've been having. I'm trying to fight the temptation to just fill it with other mindless internet-surfing. That is tricky, but I am new at this and won't be discouraged by initial floundering. Yesterday was HARD. I was sick, and what do you want to do when you're sick and home alone? Watch TV. I even opened the Netflix page and basically had to force myself to close the window by reminding myself that I'd have to confess it to Nate if I cheated, and I really didn't want to have to do that. Wow. Maybe this is more of a problem for me than I thought!

So, anyway, I am really hoping and praying that God will help me fill the new space in my life (especially over the next two weeks of my break) with life-giving and fulfilling activities. Self-discipline is NOT my strong suit, so I guess this is good practice for me.

So, this post begs the question: What are you giving up for Lent? I would really love to hear, so we can support each other through our withdrawal pains (GAH!!).